Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
