Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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