if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
