It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
