its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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