You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
