u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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