i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
