last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
