woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
