well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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