i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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