dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
