This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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