Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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