I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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