I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
