I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
