Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
