My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
