You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
