yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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