I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
