we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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