you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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