just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
