i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
