The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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