You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
