worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
