Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need Xanax blowdarts
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
