He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
