Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
