I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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