high people should be assigned attendants
i came on her dog
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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