i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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