lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
