pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
