its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
