On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
