the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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