my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't deserve a penis
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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