I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
