I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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