my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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