no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
