dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
tell me about the eggs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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