what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
