She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
