And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
